Couples Therapy for Affair Recovery
Infidelity in a Relationship
Infidelity affects many relationships and is one of the most common reasons for couples to seek relationship therapy. Its presence doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is failing. In fact, contrary to popular belief, infidelity can even happen in good relationships.
There are various types of affairs that can harm a relationship. An affair may be sexual, involving one partner engaging in secret sexual interactions outside the relationship. Alternatively, the affair can be emotional, where one partner forms a secret emotional connection or romantic bond with someone else. With the rise of social media and internet usage, a new term has emerged in the literature on infidelity: cyber affairs. These involve activities such as exchanging sexual messages, sharing nude photos, or engaging in online sexual interactions. Whether emotional or physical, the definition of an affair is often determined by the couple’s pre-established relationship rules and expectations of loyalty.
Can couples survive infidelity?
The severity of the affair and effects depends on many factors: who the person is (someone known or a random person), duration of the affair (long term or one time), place of the affair (home or elsewhere), lies told to hide the affair, what was going on in the relationship at that time (pregnancy, death of a loved one, illness), and how the partner found out (witness, heard from someone else, disclosed by their partner).
Many times, learning about your partner's affair can be traumatic and lead to PTSD. Many times, the partner who was cheated on might feel like the rug has been pulled out from beneath their feet. The affair can cause rumination, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, overwhelming emotions, feeling out of control, losing trust, seeing the partner as an enemy, seeing the relationship negatively, and feeling numb, angry, and embarrassed. Partners may grapple with feelings of guilt and shame upon witnessing the pain they've inflicted.
The consequences of an affair usually cause an eruption within the relationship and weaken the couple's bond. After learning about an affair, partners can have difficulty deciding if they would like to continue or end the relationship. Even if the couple chooses to continue their relationship, an affair can have a severely negative impact on both partners. Infidelity damage trust in the relationship. When trust is broken, the foundation of the relationship has been shaken. It is not only the affair itself; many times, the lies told to hide the affair also hurt partners and damage trust which leads one partner to lose their credibility.
Trying to find an answer to ‘why did this happen?’ usually hurts as much as the affair itself. Partners start to experience many aspects of feeling not good enough about themselves; they may feel helpless, incompetent, and inadequate, blaming themselves for what happened. Sometimes, injured partners might seek revenge.
Many times, couple share their experience with others to seek support or others find out. When children or extended family members learn about the affair, it usually exacerbates the turmoil. Resentment may develop, making it challenging to mend relationships.
Regardless of the circumstances, an affair triggers an emotional rollercoaster. Dealing with jealousy, anger, sadness, disappointment, and resentment while trying to continue the relationship and forgive someone who hurt you can be difficult. The couple might have difficulty dealing with intense emotions and become trapped in destructive patterns. Affairs significantly disrupt a couple’s communication. Small disagreements turn into major conflicts, leaving both partners feeling exhausted. We are here to support you during this difficult time. Couples therapy Bucks County offers relationship therapy to help you heal from infidelity and reconnect.
How to repair a relationship after infidelity
It is difficult to recover after an affair, and most couples who deal with infidelity can struggle. Most couple might not believe their relationship will work, they can be concerned about the future, or they might be suspicious of each other and become worried that the affair will repeat. However, relationship therapy can help.
Rebuilding trust is a crucial step in affair recovery and it takes a long time. Coping strategies—such as checking each other’s phones, following locations, and calling on FaceTime to maintain trust—might help at the beginning, but in a short time this causes tension, and the couple can find themselves overwhelmed. At times, individuals might keep some of the information hidden; in time, the injured partner might discover new information about the affair that causes more issues. When the injured partner suffers from feeling insecure in the relationship, the partner who had the affair may struggle with the loss of credibility, leading to impatience during the healing process. The unfaithful partner often asks for forgiveness and urges their partner to "move on" and trust them again, but couples typically find it difficult to rebuild trust. It is not solely the injured partner’s responsibility to trust; it is equally the responsibility of the unfaithful partner to earn that trust. However, most of the time couples may not know how to go about this process.
Transparency and honest dialogue are essential for rebuilding trust, but emotional wounds can make open communication challenging. Without addressing the underlying issues and re-establishing a foundation of trust, couples may find themselves stuck in negative patterns, further deepening the disconnect.
Throughout affair recovery, the injured partner may find themselves overwhelmed by emotions, leading to a constant blame. Often, the partner who had an affair may struggle with feelings of shame. When they find it difficult to tolerate their shame, they may unintentionally hinder their partner's healing process, urging them to move on too quickly. When injured partner is not ready to move on it often results in constant arguments. Indeed, this negative interaction cycle has the potential to trap the couple, leading them to perceive the relationship in a more negative light. It is important to learn emotion regulation, process difficult emotions, and develop effective conflict management skills. An affair can weaken the couple's bond, and it can be destructive to both emotional and sexual intimacy. After establishing a foundation of trust and safety, rebuilding emotional and sexual intimacy is an essential step in the healing process.
No matter your unique circumstances, we can explore together what made the relationship vulnerable to the affair and support you how to heal from affair. Couples counseling can help guide you toward understanding how to rebuild trust and connection with one another.
Seeking help could be the key to saving your relationship after affair. We offer couples counseling to provide you safe space to talk and work together to overcome hurts of affair. Exploring what made the relationship vulnerable to an affair can help both partners gain a deeper understanding and improve the relationship. Couples therapy Bucks County can be an investment in your relationship, as improving the quality of your bond with your partner can save you years of stress, pain, and resentment.
Couples therapy Bucks County (marriage counseling/premarital counseling) can be a great way to avoid a permanent separation and provide a solid foundation for your relationship. We offer both in person and online couples counseling focusing on communication, conflict resolution, affair recovery, and rebuilding intimacy and trust. We welcome couples from diverse cultural backgrounds including interracial, intercultural, interfaith relationships. Our approach incorporates Relational Life Therapy, The Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and Emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is one of the most empirically validated and effective therapies for improving distressed relationships. We are here to assist you and your partner on your journey to understand each other, address past conflicts, repair injuries, move past hurts and betrayals, and increase your intimacy.